Jackie Earle Haley (you know, from that 1976 classic The Bad News Bears and its seminal sequel The Bad News Bears Go to Japan) signs on to play Maddox in Robocop

Where were you at 6am this morning? Queuing up to be one of the first people in the UK to see The Dark Knight Rises at the IMAX? Sounds like that level of commitment to the caped crusader deserves a drink. Or two. Or three. Or a whole liverful of drinks dedicated to Batman in this week’s Friday Drinking Game…

Baddies, but no civilians, get hurt in motorbike chase.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Guess where it takes place?

This gun-toting prohibition shoot-em-up has come under fire for lacking in substance. Substance?! What do you want here, it’s a gangster epic! It doesn’t need to have substance, it’s got guns! Guns! Knuckle-Dusters! Blood! Testicles in a jam jar! Sexy women! Waistcoats! Guns! Sure, it doesn’t break any boundaries, but it breaks plenty of bones. It’s got guns! Pass me tha’ there moonshine y’all.

Williams signs up for Eugene Allen biopic The Butler

Marlin the Clownfish proves himself to be consistently negligent parent

Joseph Gordon-Levitt furrows brow, looks a bit like Bruce Willis

Ice Age 4 hurtles from one boring and entirely unoriginal scenario to another, justifying its glaring historical and chronological inaccuracies, hopeless characters, tedious plot and joyless slapstick by covering them in frozen precipitation. It’s just a rehash of previous Ice Age themes and scenes from other, better films, but told by prehistoric animals that existed millions of years apart. Sure it’s for kids, but a cinema full of children could only muster the occasional half-hearted chuckle and even the sound of Sid regurgitating something into his paw couldn’t mask the sound of artistic integrity quietly dying.