In 2006, unofficially-crowned Worst Director of All Time Uwe Boll made an action-fantasy video-game adaptation (of the Dungeon Siege games) called In The Name Of The King. It cost $60million, starred Jason Statham and Ron Perlman, and boasted supporting turns from Ray Liotta and Burt Reynolds. It made less than $14million and has a Rotten Tomatoes score of 4%. Now, six years later, he’s made a sequel. Super.

Have you ever wondered what happens after the “happily ever after” ending? Wonder no longer. Sarah Polley’s brutally honest film, Take This Waltz, examines the idea of the effect a long-term relationships has on love, with painful, remarkable and immensely moving results. Can we ever keep the flames of passion alive?

Matt Smith (yes, Doctor Who) and Eva Green (yes, Eva Green) made this in 2010. Originally called Womb, it had to be rebranded as Clone for the UK DVD release. The story of a woman who clones and gives birth to her dead boyfriend, you’d think this would be amazing sci-fi, or at least amazingly bad, but in fact it’s just a beautifully shot, but painfully dull story, lacking the gross factor, the sci-fi factor or even the moral debate about the concept of cloning factor. Matt Smith is great though.

Ball-achingly slow, utterly pointless and with a completely inexplicable ending, The Paranormal Incident is a glossy, shining example of exactly what not to do with $3million and a camera. You could have made some really nice, 1080p HD hardcore porn with that sort of budget; it probably would have been better-scripted, better-shot and better-acted than this steaming pile of puerile garbage.

Debut director and escaped Amish person Rebecca Thomas’ first film is a meditation on the explosive meeting between the modern world and her antiquated upbringing. The usual rookie errors are very much in evidence, but solid performances and a compelling aesthetic make Electrick Children well worth a watch.

A Tarantino-style Spanish romp which veers wildly between harrowing violence and hilarious gutter-humour, Neon Flesh is by no means a comfortable viewing experience. With a shining cast and a cracking soundtrack, this totally classless 100-minute bloodbath, against the odds, manages to strike just the right note; Neon Flesh is an unusual portrayal of poverty, parenthood and perversion that affects you far more by the end than you thought it would in the beginning.

With seven shorts directed by seven directors, 7 Days in Havana is less a feature film and more a collection of shorts unified only in celebrating an incredible city. If narrative isn’t really your thing then it’s well worth a look, even if it’s only to check out the beautiful, undulating Cuban women and some equally beautiful shots of Havana, but at over two hours long you’ll find yourself thinking that maybe A Mini-Break in Havana might have done the trick.

The premise of Magic Mike‘s is already attractive enough, as a film unapologetically tailored to the difficult-to-please female gaze. Cue our surprise when it outed itself as a skinfest with smarts. Beautiful production, gorgeous attention to detail and an interesting picture of the clash between reality and fantasy come together to make Channing Tatum less the butt of ‘dumb jock’ jokes and more just a very fine butt.

A fly-on-the-wall glimpse into Katy Perry’s tour for the embarrassingly successful album Teenage Dream, what the film lacks in intellect and subtlety, it more than makes up for in heart, in a surprisingly engaging and charming look into the life of a popstar who is as starkly real as she is glossily artificial.

With a hiatus of well over a decade, Detachment is director Tony Kaye’s first feature film since American History X. A stylized indie exploration of the life of a high school substitute and the broken public school system, it’s visually very impressive and boasts a stellar cast being totally stellar. Unfortunately it insists on hurling misery at you like its disaffected teens throw the outdated resource materials in their underfunded library at each other (violently and often).