Dance theatre is not a dirty word. Even if you normally find the idea of a film that contains almost nothing but dance to be the purest form of hell, the sheer quality of the dancing on display in Pina – and the immaculate way in which it’s presented – make it difficult to resist.

The muscle babes of Die Hard and G-Unit come in Setup, a painfully predictable action thriller. With plenty of guns, a bald mob boss or two, a handful of heavily clichéd Russians, a thirst for vengeance and the odd sexy lying bitch, there really isn’t anything original to this diamond heist gone wrong. Except for Fiddy Cent in a role where he takes no prisoners. Oh wait…

Kingdom of Gladiators tells the story of a king who makes a pact with a demon, and then has a gladiator tournament, and these two things are somehow connected. Steer clear if you can, this tits-and-hits action film offers a very poor show of both the former and the latter.

Described by critics as “Ghostbusters meets Jurassic Park”, I had overwhelmingly high expectations when I headed to the cinema for this low-budget found-footage flick. And, for the first time in a very long while, I found that what played out on the screen before me was even better than I’d allowed myself to hope for…

This horror flick is ‘Hide and Seek’ meets ‘The Blair Witch Project’. Except, rather than two acquaintances politely shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries, it’s two cars meeting at speed and resulting in a heap of twisted smoking metal…

What is it with horribly titled British films lately? First Swinging With the Finkels, now this? C’mon people, just name your film after a dinosaur, there’s loads of them left. It’d be much easier to sell a dark comedy set in a Scottish brothel (apparently they’re legal up there, fancy that!) if it was called Tyrannosaurus Sex. Just sayin. Luckily though, Spanking in Paradise is infinitely better than its dreadful title, a witty, surprisingly restrained and thoroughly Scottish gem.

Well, not scientifically speaking, unless you’re a lizard. But it will once this snow-lovin’ yeti gets his axe into you. Yep, they can use tools now. Power of evolution.

Tired of the regular run-of-the-mill sexual porn? Well why not come on down and try some gore porn? The Woman has LOTS of it. A feral woman living in the woods is captured by an All-American family to induct her into the ‘normal’ way of life. What could go wrong?

When China Met Africa is a indepth documentary about China’s economic foray into Africa in 2006. Described as a “rare, grass-roots view into one of the most important economic challenges of our age” by The Times, it’s just as exciting as it sounds.

Natalie Portman’s shiny new Academy Award is going to reflect an awful lot of spotlights on her over the next few years. This should be fine, of course, but it’s not ideal when the project currently in the post-Oscar glare is a distinctly average drama which she made before Black Swan and which has only just crept onto DVD. The only impossibility in Love and Other Impossible Pursuits is enjoying it.