As a convenience store robbery/ frat boy prank goes horribly wrong, Adam (Trevor Morgan) decides that he really doesn’t want to join Sigma Zeta Chi after all, he’d much rather join a sorority. Far less violent. Until the chocolate goes missing that is.

After years of lazy, pointless roles, Nicolas Cage abruptly seemed to be dragging himself back towards the light with his acclaimed performances in Bad Lieutenant and Kick-Ass. Where did it all go wrong? If Ron Perlman had any sense, he would have attacked his co-star instead of the titular baddie in this overwrought nonsense of steel, pestilence, demons and artfully tangled hair.

Five London teens make friends in an online chatroom and inspire each other to take drastic steps with their lives. The problem? One of them likes nothing more than inciting people to achieve the suicide he yearns for but dare not undertake himself. Suspense thriller from Hideo Nakata ( Dark Water).

For his first film since Master and Commander, Peter Weir has taken on the challenge of a road movie unlike any other – the protagonists travel 4,000 miles on foot and offroad, with not nearly enough food and far too many creaking Russian accents. There are dozens of things waiting to go wrong with just such a film, but most of them don’t.

Like watching a rhino bathe in pure, unadulterated Jack Daniels, it’s heartbreaking to see such delicious potential go to waste. Little Fockers attempts to shake the final dregs of comedy from its dried-up franchise, but its brief moments of light only serve to make us long for the days when its actors had material worth their while.

Excellent directorial fiction debut from well-known actor Diego Luna, Abel is a comedy which is by turns charming, powerful and absorbing. Unlikely to be given a wide release, this is well worth seeking out if a cinema in your area is screening it.

In the wake of critical and commercial successes such as The Queen and The Young Victoria, director Tom Hooper has taken on one of the most obscure dramas in recent British royal history – the titanic struggle which King George VI faced whenever he was called upon to speak in public. In doing so, he has categorically made the best film of both his own and Colin Firth’s career. The King’s Speech is perfect.

How would you define ‘guilty pleasure’? Listening to ABBA? Stealing Pick’n’Mix? Cutting up orphans and dissolving them in an acid bath? Those are all valid examples of guilty pleasures, but now that Burlesque exists they only qualify thanks to the same sort of linguistic technicality which allows us to simultaneously describe both Ann Widdecombe and Natalie Portman as ‘people’. More addictive than crack and less than half as nutritious, Burlesque is a whole new filthy world of awesome.

Is it a documentary? Is it a spoof? Nobody’s really sure. All we know is that for some reason or other, this film records the attempts of five lacklustre professional mascots and five ‘Little People’ to win $10m. Actually, make that four Little People – one of them is actually Gary Coleman. Remember Gary Coleman? He’s dead now, and this is about as odd an epitaph as you’re likely to find.

When will Jack Black stop playing lovable slackers who inexplicably bust out at least one musical number per film? Gulliver’s Travels is pretty much exactly what you’re expecting it to be – adequate, and absolutely nothing more. Excellent visual effects and some well-crafted supporting performances save it from total failure, but all this film really manages is to remind you that in Hollywood, as in Lilliput, bigger isn’t always better.