The day that turkeys develop the ability to wield knives, the human race is doomed. World War T?

Next week: a four thousand minute trailer for The Silmarillion. In Elvish.

So many evil glances are coming your way.

Gathering dust in various stages of development hell since 1997, Gambit finally arrives on the big screen. From the off it’s clear Michael Hoffman’s remake of the 1966 caper is no spring chicken. A comic heist film so thoroughly undercooked and blushing with embarrassment, the only chicanery here is the evident self-deceit involved in slumming for a paycheck.

Romantic comedies have become such a chore to watch, such a cold, damp and schmaltzy mire to wade through these days that many of us imagine the prospect of yet another Love, Actually knock-off with complete dread. Enter Silver Linings Playbook, a story about two bi-polar personalities trying to pick up the shattered pieces of their lives. It’s romantic, it’s witty, and it’ll charm the pants right off you.

Today, the news broke that Susan Boyle – aka SuBo, the nation’s SWEETHEART – has signed away the rights to her life. Meaning, in other words, that next year some dreadful people with clipboards and cameras and booms are going to start filming a proper movie that’s all about her. Obviously, the question that is now on everyone’s lips is who on earth is going to portray the hirsute songstress? Luckily for you, here at Best For Film we’ve taken the time to wade through our “GR8 ACTORS” file and pull out some top names that could be in the running. Take note, filmmakers, this top ten list of potential SuBos is red hot.

Ah, relationships. Those beautiful, successful people and their many, many problems.

I Dreamed A Dream that they made a Susan Boyle film and everyone died at the end.

“An Agent Coulson action figure!? I can die happy now!” – Phil Coulson

Quirk, check. Deadpanning, check. Cokewhores, ch- dammit Charlie!