Ding dong, the Queen’s not dead! As the matriarch of the Windsor (it’s transliterated from Wyndzaargh) clan of ravenous space lizards celebrates six decades of dominion over the oppressed humans of these isles, the anti-reptile resistance continues to gather in secret in cinemas across the land. On Wednesdays, mostly, because guerrilla warriors are generally a bit strapped for cash.

Another week, another freshly baked batch of films vying for your attention. Which will you see? If only there was some way of watching all the good bits in three minutes and deciding if you want to fill in the gaps – oh, wait…

It’s been another jam-packed week here in the world of film, but we understand that you’re a busy bee and you can’t be expected to keep up with our entire news output. So here, once again, is our handy Saturday digest of the week’s top stories. It’s like time-travelling, but not nearly as good!

SEXY RAVENS

Everybody in them looks worried. Join us as we try to figure out what this could mean…

HAMMER (not Armie. That’s the other one)

Epilepsy warning: For some reason, this trailer appears to have been edited using a strobe light. It may look cool, but it could kill you.

It looks like John Carter is going to fall fast and land hard at the box office. Costing a cool $250 mill’ to make, based on a cherised collection of sci-fi novels, featuring the most sophisticated CGI Disney could afford and being the live action debut of director Andrew Stanton (Finding Nemo, Wall-E plus writing credits on the Toy Story trilogy), John Carter looked like a shoe-in to be one of the year’s toppermost earners. Right now it looks like breaking even worldwide would be a hopeful return. Which got us thinking….

It’s only been a week since the last bit of Prometheus hype. 20th Century Fox thought you might be worried.

New trailer for Prometheus looks bowel-movingly brilliant, if uncannily familiar.