Jodie Foster washes her hands of The Beaver. We’ve all been there. Fair play.

In a bleak twist of fate, Best For Film Towers has been left undefended. The interns have fallen, forcing John to head off on an epic quest to replenish the troops; thank goodness he can call upon old allies to see him through these dark times. Step up to the brink, weary soldiers – you are now the only thing standing between the fearsome dragons of modern civilisation and your beloved BFF. Prove your worth and select the best films out this week, stat…

Rarely has a film with so much hype failed so horribly to deliver. Director Tony Gilroy seems to think he could get away with remaking the first Bourne, except without the amnesia. Or the excitement, characters, wit, joy, love interest, narrative, decent plot or action sequences. The fourth film, with its ‘wider conspiracy’ and all those ‘rewards for paying attention’ we were promised, is entirely uninspiring and utterly soulless.

So guess what comes out on Monday? It’s only the bloody Bourne Legacy! Smash smash punch punch ride that motorbike keep squealing Rachel Weisz – Gosh we’re excited. So excited we’re going to spend this evening in the throes of a Bourneathlon. Writer Tony Gilroy says of the upcoming ‘wider conspiracy’ film that “everyone who got into [the first three] will be rewarded for paying attention”. Sounds like a challenge, no point going on Monday unless you’ve watched all three back to back and given your attention span/liver a real work out.

The next installment of the the Bourne films hasn’t even arrived on our screens yet but there is already news that role-snatching Renner (to give him his full name) is..

Guess where it takes place?

If you find yourself alone, riding in green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled…

YOU GO JERENNER, DO ALL THE THINGS

We all like to think there are films out there that can completely alter our world view, and hey, every now and then we bloomin well find one. A film that dazzles is one thing, but a film that changes your entire perception – they are perhaps fewer and farther between than Hollywood history would have us believe. Introducing films and filmmakers labelled as making ground-breakingly intelligent cinema and why it could be that they aren’t as clever as we’d like to believe…

Look, sure, any sane person is going to be saving up their film-cash for next week when they can go watch The Hunger Games , but frankly, if you’re a sane person, you’re probably not still on-board with this as a credible film website. With that it mind, it’s OFF TO THE CINEMA WE GO! TWO FOR ONE! NONSENSE FOREVER!