Yes, a REEL OF SEX.

Emma Watson won’t be going to the ball after all.

Ring, ring, hookah, Lee Daniels is on the line.

The premise of Magic Mike‘s is already attractive enough, as a film unapologetically tailored to the difficult-to-please female gaze. Cue our surprise when it outed itself as a skinfest with smarts. Beautiful production, gorgeous attention to detail and an interesting picture of the clash between reality and fantasy come together to make Channing Tatum less the butt of ‘dumb jock’ jokes and more just a very fine butt.

Perhaps there is a God.

SO MUCH ARSE

No, in-your-end-o!

He brings out a new film every twelve to fourteen minutes, he has permanent standing orders to both Matt Damon and George Clooney, he’s about to direct a Liberace biopic before retiring to focus on his painting and he’s REALLY bald. Any guesses? It is of course Steven Soderbergh, and if you’re planning to see Contagion you’d better get involved with our Cheat Sheet…

Either your entire family was recently captured by Somali pirates whilst on a pleasure cruise and you were forced to watch each of them being systematically tortured in an attempt to get you to release the codes for the Swiss bank vault containing the family fortune, or Abduction will be the worst thing you’ve seen this year. It’s as simple as that, really.