Why aren’t films of video games ever good? Because the boys in the back room are adapting the wrong goshdarned games, that’s why! We’ve consumed eighty-six thousand Doritos and worn out nine pairs of tracksuit bottoms doing the research for this list: the definitive top 10 games that must be brought to the silver screen.
Because there’s nothing less attractive to a wet-lipped young maiden than a tattooed, pierced, bad-ass motorcycle demon with a past so tortured he like, can’t even talk about it (until he does). I always wondered what Beauty and the Beast would be like if, instead of good, it was like, really, really awful. Now I know.
Oh my shit, it’s April! And it’s brought along not only Fools’ Days, sweet spring showers and the prospect of some chinless wonder marrying a Sloane, but also a batch of fresh and steaming new films – some promising, others less so. Stick around as we sift through this month’s cinematic offerings week by week and separate the fresh fish (FRESH FISH, Glen Coco!) from the distinctly murky tuna salad…
Neatly bridging the gap between this year’s glut of sci-fi films and the ongoing demand for unusual teenagers who, like, can’t fit in because they’re vampires (or werewolves or gay or whatever else), I Am Number Four will certainly be popular. Michael Bay should be crucified for ruining yet another film with his stupid flashing lights, but who cares when there’s a hunky alien loose?
Are you wondering what to do with your spare time? Do you sit around the house, saddened by the prospect of having no idea what films to see? Are you tired of me asking you questions? Then fear no more because here are the top 20 films to see at the cinema in 2011! Film 2012 round-up also available now!