Viva La Statham

Who will he be playing, Barry Hanukkah?

This news is so bad it’s good.

Stiff Statham and talented Tom are being considered for the role of Snake in a remake of Escape From New York

FINALLY! THE ROCK HAS… said he fancies a part in The Expendables 3.

Parker isn’t entertainingly bad like Crank or The Transporter 1 through 3. It’s just bad. Bad acting, bad plot, bad villains, bad heroes, and a bad-ass car.

Jason Statham is made of rage and speaks like he’s reading the instruction manual for setting up a Freeview box. Naturally neither of these things elevate Parker to the lofty heights of, say, The Mechanic; and make for the most mind-numbing 118 minutes of your life that you will never get back.

Parker is out soon, and if you’ve seen the trailer/moody-ish poster you’ll know that singer Jennifer Lopez is in it, starring alongside rent-a-hardman Jason Statham. This isn’t the first film J-Lo has been in. To be honest, we’re not sure why that keeps happening. And to make things even more dire, Lopez has threatened revealed she would like to take on more acting roles due to her ‘great experience’ working with Statham on set. But Jen’s not the only one who should just slip away quietly back into the recording studio AND STAY THERE.

What better way to ease in a brand-new intern than by throwing them into a (metaphorical) ring with a longtime BFFer and forcing them into a (again, metaphorical) fight to the death, eh? Jeremy Renner is back in cinemas for Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, forcing Megan and Kayleigh into a premature catfight about Renner’s capabilities as an actor…