Look, we’ve got a new writer! Having worked in the service industry more or less non stop since the age of 15, Marianne’s kicking off her BFF career with a personal homage to the heroes and heroines, plate carriers, kitchen flakers and cocktail shakers of film. Here goes…

Let The Right One In director Tomas Alfredson has taken the helm of the new adaptation of The Brothers Lionheart – frankly, we’re just staggered by the fact that not one but two separate studios have wanted to introduce new generations of kids to Astrid Lindgren’s deeply odd classic. The Wikipedia entry for the first film notes, gravely, that it is “softened a bit [from the book] and does not explicitly show the brothers committing suicide”, which probably tells you all you need to know. In dubious celebration of Alfredson’s odd career choices, we’ve collected ten other children’s books that should never have been committed to celluloid.

Presumably his raging antisemitism won’t be a major aspect.

Dick Van Dyke DESERVES this, goddamn it. Remember ‘Hushabye Mountain’?

Cast list continues to grow for Disney’s biopic about the author of Mary Poppins

Is he playing a penguin butler?

Though they may be loathed by sixth formers attempting their always-boring ‘minimalist’ plays, props are undoubtedly the bread and butter of popular film. A chance for character development, plot development, or simple comedic value, props can provide allegory and nuance in a way that Hayden Christensen, say, cannot. Here we give a rundown on film’s most memorable props, from the Star Wars light sabre to Herbie the VW Beetle.

Police, Adjective is the latest in what we Brits would call “Romanian New Wave Cinema”. However, director Corneliu Porumboiu would dismiss us in true Eastern European fashion, perhaps by waving a shawl in our face and spitting “ptooey” at the phrase, which he calls “problematic”. Regardless of genre, Police, Adjective (winner of the Jury Prize at the 2009 Cannes Film Festival) is the antithesis of a cop film, replacing running about with batons with endless trudging round Eastern Europe in the same old jumper.

Released in 2005, the original Nanny McPhee was a strong successor to Mary Poppins in every way. Adapted from the Nurse Matilda books by Christianna Brand, the film pitted seven mischievous tykes against an ugly woman with a snaggle tooth, warts and an oversized nose, who had a few tricks up her sleeve when it came to childcare. Susanna White’s colourful sequel casts an even more bewitching spell, introducing the mysterious nanny to a family in crisis in wartime Britain.

From Brit-grit gangsters in 44 Inch Chest to hard-hitting drama in Brothers, Best For Film looks at all the upcoming releases and lets you know what’s worth the price of admission. Also up this month we’ve got the hotly anticipated crime drama A Prophet, rom-coms from Sandra Bullock, The Book of Eli, Up in the Air and heist action in Armored.