You don’t need a reason to read Orange(Wednesday)s and Lemons, obviously – unless it’s that you’re a human being – but even if you did we’d still be ready. ZING! It’s the last time our lovely intern type folks will be scribbling their citrus wisdom onto your hearts, and you don’t want to miss that, do you? Of course not. In you come.

Wednesday! Lemons! X-Men! Oranges! McAvoy! Oranges! Fassbender! Lemons! Half price! Citrus! Other films! Maybe! X-MEN! We really are quite excited, you know.

It’s THE WEEK BEFORE LOADS OF EXCITING FILMS COME OUT – that’s the best kind of week. But fear not, we’re here to get you laid, and dammit, that’s what we’ll do. Sorry, did we say “laid?” We meant to say “to a cinema at a reasonable discount.” HURRAH FOR ORANGE WEDNESDAYS!

If every one of our OWLingly good Wednesday blogs turned into 14.95 Spartans, we’d have 299 Spartans! Which is nearly enough for a party. Unfortunately, what we’d actually have is 280 proper Spartans and 19 that were missing some toes, which isn’t ideal. If only there was another number we could multiply 20 by… Anyway, what’re you watching this week? We know, and we’re TELLING YOU IN WORDS, LIKE.

For the nineteenth successive week, the greatest warriors of the mighty word-army which defends Best For Film Towers from ignorance, poor journalism and Peter Bradshaw have abandoned their posts and left the walls unguarded to gather in the Great Hall for a council of war. The enemy is not Iraq, Terror, Drugs or even HeyUGuys – it is the misery which strikes at the human heart when an Orange Wednesday ticket is wasted on a poor choice. They ask for nothing in return, and they do it all for you.

Holy Ryan Reynold’s nipples, Batman! The lean years are over at Best For Film Towers, and a fresh new flock of happy thought-scribblers have gambolled through the high gates and settled themselves in the courtyard. They’re the highlight of this week – apart, that is, from the statistically inevitable delight of ANOTHER WEDNESDAY!

In a week simply splattered with bank holidays, today’s Wednesday is cunningly dressed as a dapper wee Thursday, complete with seductive near-weekend properties and an air of spontaneous, carefree mischief. BUT WE ARE NOT FOOLED. Wednesday is what you are sir, and as such you will let us in the cinema for cheap, YOU HEAR?

Having said tearful goodbyes to our latest band of innocent intern dream-punchers, it’s left to the haggard founders to drag the tattered decorations of ORANGE WEDNESDAYS HURRAH out of storage, and hang them in the now silent corridors of Best For Film towers. It’s never the same, but WE MUST GO ON. Sigh. At least we’ve got Winnie the Pooh, eh?

You know what’s better than Wednesday? Friday. But screw you guys, we’ll probably all be dead by then. Let us rejoice at our current aliveness; let us read words about the cinema, understand the words about the cinema and act on the words about the cinema. Hey, let’s go to the cinema! Wednesday!

The glorious sunshine cannot sway team BFF from their mortal quest: today is Wednesday, and thus all of this week’s releases are banging on the great stone doors, begging to be judged. Fear not, oh ye of the citrus retribution, tis time you were counted.