Will this be another TKO?

More than just a pretty face. Apparently.

You might think that a thriller featuring big names like Robert De Niro, Sigourney Weaver and Cillian Murphy – alongside brand-new hot property Elizabeth Olsen – would at the very least be a slickly filmed, if creatively hollow, venture. Sure, Robert De Niro was in New Year’s Eve and thus has obviously lost his marbles. But Cillian Murphy wouldn’t be in a film that didn’t make sense, would he? You’d think that wouldn’t you? But no. Nope. You won’t find anything plausible here; only a collection of dodgy, derivative, poorly-acted strands mashed together like a jigsaw done by a drunk toddler. And not as fun to watch.

YES, ROBERT! COME BACK TO US!

He probably shouldn’t, but what the hell? You’re only 74 once!

Midnight RUN OVER MY HEART

It looks like John Carter is going to fall fast and land hard at the box office. Costing a cool $250 mill’ to make, based on a cherised collection of sci-fi novels, featuring the most sophisticated CGI Disney could afford and being the live action debut of director Andrew Stanton (Finding Nemo, Wall-E plus writing credits on the Toy Story trilogy), John Carter looked like a shoe-in to be one of the year’s toppermost earners. Right now it looks like breaking even worldwide would be a hopeful return. Which got us thinking….

Except he isn’t called Mos Def any more.

New Year’s Eve gives you one final chance; a chance for hope, and a night for taking chances. For when love takes a chance, every day is like New Year’s Eve. On the eve of love, and chances, sometimes taking a chance on hope is the only hope that feels like new. Take a chance! Hope with love! Love your news! Time is running out! Time will never run out if you have love in your chances! GOD LET ME DIE, LET ME DIE LIKE I HOPE ALL THESE CHARACTERS DIE

In the immortal words of Noddy Holder, “IT’S CHRIIISSSSSTTTMAAAAASSS!!”. Well, not quite yet. But it is the first day of December today (we don’t miss a trick here at BFF). And to celebrate, we bring you the top ten films that sound as though they should be about Christmas but really, really aren’t. Luckily, we’ve reinvented all these titles to make them more palatable this Yule.