Nick Eversman to stay on the scene (like a sex machine).

We few, we happy few…

So she’s now Dame Helen Lydia Mironoff, HWoF? That’s a mouthful.

Say what you see, eh?

THEY’RE HERE! The nominations for the 84th Academy Awards have been released, and as we predicted The Artist has basically bagsied all the categories like a fat greedy child in a tuckshop. Standard.

RRRAWR

But where’s Drive?

Look, racism is bad, no matter what you say. We’re treading familiar ground with this well-coiffed and rather saccharine exploration of 60s Mississippi, but lovely performances and brisk plotting just about make The Help worth a watch. A word of warning: you’ll want fried chicken after. No-one said you’d feel good about that.

Catholic schools. Priests. Sexual abuse allegations. Does this equal a film we’d want to see? Probably not. At best, it would be dull, at worst quite disturbing. Nevertheless, given the Oscar hype surrounding this adaptation of John Patrick Shanley’s play last year, we decided it couldn’t be that bad. In fact, this 1960’s-set drama centring around a nun’s mission to prove a progressive priest guilty of sexual abuse of a student turned out to be quite a unique and thought-provoking film experience.

When we had finished watching Law Abiding Citizen, we had just one question. What is it with Scottish actors and the American accent? Seriously, first up there was Ewan MacGregor, sounding like he was talking with a mouth full of nails in Deception. You’d have thought Hugh Jackman (who like most Australians has some pretty convincing Yank speak) would have taken him aside and given a few words of advice. Admittedly they were both probably avoiding eye contact in the hope that if they didn’t look at one another they might awake from the nightmare of starring in the worst erotic thriller since Ernest Goes to Jail.