Lynne Ramsay’s next film will be a western called Jane Got a Gun starring Rodrigo Santoro, Natalie Portman, Michael Fassbender and Joel Edgerton.

They call her Calamity Padmé…

Not as Madame Bovary, obviously. That’d be stupid.

Tilda Swinton shines as the troubled mother of an even more troubled child. Though ‘shines’ is probably the wrong word to use for such a startingly bleak performance.

SO MANY GUILDS

Teenage angst breaches new yet surprisingly dull territory in this pretentious thriller set in an East Coast prep school. Afterschool provides a hundred solid minutes of tedious indie art as we explore awkward social situations and drug abuse, all through one too many lingering back-of-head shots.

It’s one of the most talked about films of 2011. You’d basically be a fool if you didn’t own We Need To Talk About Kevin. Helpfully, we’ve got 3 copies to give away…

We were totally there and everything. ARE WE ACHIEVING YET, DAD?

Adam Sandler stars in this gritty family drama from Dennis Dugan, which follows in the footsteps of 2011’s Tyrannosaur and We Need to Talk About Kevin in its exploration of the dark complexities of human nature. By turns shocking and deeply poignant, Jack and Jill‘s unflinching examination of the relationship between a pair of twins is often unpalatable and frequ – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This film is unreal.

Greedy.