Is he playing a penguin butler?

Whaddaya mean no?

Len Wiseman to direct remake of Schwartzenegger classic?

Right, here’s this year’s maddest news: if we can trust him, it appears Colin Farrell spent the couple of years before her death having a discreet little affair thing with Elizabeth Taylor. And if that’s true, then all bets are off. We’ve done a little digging and found a few more actors whose relationships stretched the limits of plausibility…

The revenge genre is crowded with jilted Brides and freed slaves, but in Dead Man Down Colin Farrell shows us that humble Hungarian immigrants have feelings too. While Oplev’s film may be ill-suited to the summer season (it’s slow-burning and relatively subtle), it could still pass the time on a rainy Monday evening.

Anton Yelchin, Imogen Poots and David Tennant grab their stakes and stock up on holy water ready to do away with a vampiric Colin Farrell in Craig Gillespie’s re-imagining of of 1985’s Fright Night. Yes it’s another vampire film, yes it’s another remake and yes, Chrisopher Mintz-Plasse only has that one character, but come on, how often do you get to see Doctor Who in leather trousers?

London Boulevard has a great premise. Guns and money, seedy thugs and intelligent crooks, and the chance for freedom in an unforgiving world. Unfortunately, the story jumps around looking for direction, avoiding the avid gunfire of genuine performances from Ray Winstone, David Thewlis and even Colin Farrell, and in the end falls head first in a ditch for trying too hard.

Sex is awful isn’t it? Sweaty rutting that fails to stimulate a beneficial experience greater than the nerves, the physical exertion or the time you could have spent playing Final Fantasy XIV. Hello ladies, why yes I am single. Like most crippling personality defects, revulsion of sex probably stems from cinema. The great sex scenes are bad enough, creating a standard for physical beauty, ambient lighting and stamina that a mortal male could never hope to achieve, but it’s the terrible sex scenes that have really burrowed deep into your psyche.

Casting directors probably have one of the most important jobs in Hollywood. When it comes to getting somebody right for a role, all sorts of things have to be taken into consideration, like if they have the right look, or if they’re a cokehead who might just not turn up on set or whether or not they’re Jennifer Lawrence (so hot right now). Sometimes, casting directors take a chance and get it spot on – Heath Ledger as The Joker, anyone? Other times, they not only get it wrong. They get it really, really, weird.

PLEASE GET MARRIED