Luke be a Jedi toniiighht – too easy. Too easy.

And it’s about time travel. BEAN AMONGST THE DINOSAURS

First adapted from Michael Morpurgo’s book into a play by Nick Stafford, the story of War Horse has now been set loose on cinema audiences in Steven Spielberg’s latest epic. Having divided critics upon its release, we decide to make like a horse and canter towards a sunny meadow of consensus. And clover.

On the day where Wikipedia has been blacked out for the good of free speech and an unregulated world wide web, today will be a celebration of half-forgotten GCSE history facts, vague references to “that guy… you know, that one,” and regret at not having found out more about Fidel Castro when you had the chance. TOO LATE NOW. Might as well go to the cinema, eh? Two for one! Who needs knowledge when you have FREE?

Just when you thought being married to Uma Thurman was stress enough for poor Ethan Hawke, he moves to Paris and gets involved with a vampy older woman who may or may not be real. That’ll teach him to have a silly name, eh? The Woman in the Fifth is a fascinating tale which will lead you into a completely new world and do its level best to leave you there.

Written and directed by Kenneth Lonergan, Margaret has been in production for nearly five years, delayed due to multiple set-backs arising from Lonergan’s stubborn pursuit of the elusive perfect cut (and further exasperated by multiple ongoing law suits), concluding in a limited release orchestrated by Fox Searchlight Pictures. With only a handful of showings across the country, Margaret may be the best film you never see this year.

It’s not girly if it’s FILMS

This month sees the release of Thatcher-fest The Iron Lady, much to the chagrin of David Cameron, and rather than being what we all want it to be – a cross between Robert Downey Jr. in Iron Man and Ted Hughes’ not-quite-as-good-as-Iron-Giant-but-still-pretty-good The Iron Woman – it is, in fact, another boring, by the numbers, Oscar hounding biopic, no different to any that have come before. Sigh, does the biopic genre show that the film industry is running out of ideas?

Erm, Tom, don’t you think you should start shooting soon?

Too bad there’s already an Agent M…