Forget all that BAFTA news, the only list of nominations you should be interested in today is the line-up for the 2013 Golden Raspberry Awards, the annual ‘celebration’ of all that is tawdry in Hollywood. The big story is that nobody’s managed to match Adam Sandler’s extraordinary record of eleven personal nominations, which he set last year – not even him. Sandler only picked up two nominations this year (both for paedophile comedy That’s My Boy), but since it was made by his horrible little company Happy Madison we’re going to put all eight of the film’s nominations on his slate. Suck on that, Sandler!

The biggest Razzie hitter this year is the final Twilight film Breaking Dawn – Part 2, which managed to pick up a nomination in all ten categories (and two in the Worst Screen Couple section). That’s going some, Bill Condon. Battleship scored a very respectable seven nominations, with Tyler Perry’s latest nonsense Madea’s Witness Protection picking up five – Tyler himself was nominated for Worst Director twice, Worst Actor twice and Worst Actress once, as well as picking up a Worst Screen Couple nomination for the relationship between two of his own characters. Impressive!

Baffling shitefest The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure got a frankly conservative two Razzie nominations (Worst Picture and Worst Cast), considering that it also had the worst opening weekend of all time. It’s also pleasing to see our least favourite actresses Katherine Heigl, Milla Jovovich, Kristen Stewart, Jessica Biel and Rihanna pick up a total of seven Worst Actress/Worst Supporting Actress nominations between them – maybe 2013 will be the year that they finally think about that suicide pact we keep suggesting. Nicolas Cage and Liam Neeson have two nominations each (Worst Actor x2 for Cage, Worst Supporting Actor x2 for Neeson), but we’re not going to make any jokes about them because we’ve literally run out.

Right, enough of this gay banter. Here are the full nominations – brace yourselves…

Worst Picture

Battleship
The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure
That’s My Boy
A Thousand Words
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2

Worst Director

Sean Anders – That’s My Boy
Peter Berg – Battleship
Bill Condon – The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2
Tyler Perry – Good Deeds / Madea’s Witness Protection
John Putch – Atlas Shrugged: Part II

Worst Actress

Katherine Heigl – One for the Money
Milla Jovovich – Resident Evil: Retribution
Tyler Perry – Madea’s Witness Protection
Kristen Stewart – The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 / Snow White and the Huntsman
Barbra Streisand – The Guilt Trip

Worst Actor

Nicolas Cage – Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance / Seeking Justice
Eddie Murphy – A Thousand Words
Robert Pattinson – The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2
Tyler Perry – Alex Cross / Good Deeds
Adam Sandler – That’s My Boy

Worst Supporting Actress

Jessica Biel – Playing For Keeps / Total Recall
Brooklyn Decker – Battleship / What to Expect When You’re Expecting
Ashley Greene – The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2
Jennifer Lopez – What to Expect When You’re Expecting
Rihanna – Battleship

Worst Supporting Actor

David Hasselhoff – Piranha 3DD
Taylor Lautner – The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2
Liam Neeson – Battleship / Wrath of the Titans
Nick Swardson – That’s My Boy
Vanilla Ice – That’s My Boy

Worst Screen Ensemble

The entire cast of Battleship
The entire cast of The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure
The entire cast of That’s My Boy
The entire cast of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2
The entire cast of Madea’s Witness Protection

Worst Screenplay

Atlas Shrugged: Part II
Battleship
That’s My Boy
A Thousand Words
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2

Worst Remake, Rip-Off, or Sequel

Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance
Piranha 3DD
Red Dawn
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2
Madea’s Witness Protection

Worst Screen Couple

Any two cast members from Jersey Shore in The Three Stooges
Mackenzie Foy and Taylor Lautner in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2
Tyler Perry and his drag in Madea’s Witness Protection
Adam Sandler and Andy Samberg, Leighton Meester, or Susan Sarandon in That’s My Boy

What do you make of this year’s nominations? Let us know below!