Hope you enjoy being coerced into sex and then abandoned so your new boyf can go and shoot some people, Naomie.

To celebrate the fact that Super 8 is only two months from busting out of its train carriage and pulling some freaky sheeyut, we’re amending the much-loved Monday Mash-Up to speculate on what JJ Abrams’ new monster might look like. See if you can guess this week’s two cinematic inspirations, and suggest your own for our next effort!

And Mars, thank goodness, is nowhere in sight.

Dr Zaius, Dr Zaius!

Handles it like a big juicy pair of melons. Phwoar.

We’re not really allowed to say that, but we don’t care. Up yours, Tom Cruise!

We’re not allowed to swear in this bit. If we were, we DEFINITELY would be. For now, just think of the worst word you know, adjectivise it and apply it to Warner Bros.

We’ve been raving about the phenomenal Life, Above All for months now – you’ve not really got any excuse for not having seen it, but just in case you’re still dragging your heels we’ve got a treat for you. We met up with Oliver Schmitz, director of the Oscar-nominated drama, to discuss orphans, amateurs and executioners.

Do you think it might actually happen?

A red sun rises. Plot has been spilt this night.