Ghosted is another reliable, by-the-numbers and relatively unmemorable British prison drama. Why do we keep making them? Presumably because people lap them up – and if prison-drama-up-lapping is your bag, this’ll do you just fine.

A straight-to-DVD prize, where perinatal horror and unnaturally large nipples eclipse murder, paranoia and preternatural possession into insignificant mundanity. There’s little else to say, really, except to ask if we really needed another reason to fear the gory joys of pregnancy?

The street dance film is a genre in its own right these days, what with the huge string of them in recent years such as the original Honey film, Step Up, Step Up 2: The Streets, and the soon to be Stepped Up: Now Having a Well-Deserved Rest. Fancy another? Well here you go!

Whatever Happened to Pete Blaggit? is a sci-fi comedy about weddings, zombies and rape – and, should another film ever slot into that very specific sub-sub-subgenre, we guarantee it will be better than this incoherent and nonsensical tripe.

This is not a film about a kid keeping a diary of the burgers he ate at the Wimpy food restaurant, repeat it is not a film about Wimpy. It is in fact a story of a boy who keeps a diary about his day-to-day wimpiness, a shame really as we were hoping this sequel would chart the rise of the food restaurant time forgot.

Red Canyon is a sombre and engrossing reflection on mortality and the life events that make us who we are. Actually – no. It’s completely awful.

We review Tracker with Ray Winstone doing a ‘seth afrikaaan’ accent and it’s not too shabby. Both the accent and the film. Read on to see if you want to know how Winstone would track you down…

As Todd Phillips insists on telling each of us, personally, on an hourly basis, The Hangover was the highest-grossing R-rated comedy of all time. And if people enjoyed watching irresponsible men wander around a dangerous city carrying a baby and looking for their possibly dead friend two years ago, then why wouldn’t they love seeing exactly the same thing again? With a monkey!

Psalm 21 seems to be a film that was born after someone discovered a new button on Adobe After Effects: the scary grey face button. After finding this fun new special effect, the filmmakers then crowbarred the plot around it; oh, it’s a film about the evils of religion? No problem, we can give people scary grey faces and it will be a metaphor or something.

Scary twins drive their classmates to suicide in Antonio Negret’s above-average horror/mystery; a film whose few dashes of originality allow it to remain more interesting than its limited release suggests.