Friday Drinking Game #3 – Star Wars
Star Wars isn’t known for its booze culture, to be honest. Although you have to wonder what Luke and his chums really get up to when going into Tosche Station to “pick up some power converters”. Yeah, right. And Han Solo is a friggin’ space pirate, so you know he’s getting lashed. But that’s all (sadly) off-screen. What is on-screen though is the Mos Eisley Cantina, the most amazingest watering hole in all the galaxies. In my dreams, this is where I go to get shitfaced. So lets pour ourselves a beaker or twenty of that dubiously-coloured beverage that Luke orders (steam… is that steam billowing out of it?) and proceed to drink George Lucas into a reality where no-one has ever heard of Special Editions and Greedo doesn’t shoot first.
For the complete experience put on some headphones and click here.
Take one sip when…
Someone activates a lightsaber and it reminds you of the bit in Spaceballs when Rick Moranis says, “I see your Schwartz is as big as mine… but can you use it?” Double it if no-one else has seen it.
Special task: Triple it by ruining the current scene for everyone else by explaining why they have to see it.
Every time someone says, “The original, non-Special Edition was way better.” Get over it already if that person is you.
Every time an Imperial Stormtrooper misses his target with a laser blast when it looked easier to hit it. Double it if target looked like a sitting duck. Stop drinking the absinthe if you literally thought target was a duck, just sitting there.
Take two sips when…
C-3PO gently chides/expresses affection for R2-D2 like a nickel plated pain in the ass wife. Admonish yourself if you start speculating whether they are a gay couple, as they’re both gender-less, sex-less robots.
Every time the Luke/Leia dynamic makes you feel a little bit queasy.
Special dispensation: When they kiss you may vomit, down a bottle of something, just do what you gotta do to get by. Sniffing glue for a bit helps.
Every time Han Solo makes you wish you were him.
Take three sips when…
Darth Vader chokes the shit out of an underling using nothing but pure, unadulterated Force. Quadruple it if you too find said underling’s lack of faith disturbing.
Whenever Luke hears a ghost or sees one in a vision.
Note: Stop playing drinking game if you are experiencing visions of any kind yourself.
Every time C-3PO gets shut down, decommissioned, or disassembled. Double it if you agree with the motives of whoever did it.
Bonus round for hard-core “gamer”:
Seriously get your drink on whenever a Death Star is exploded: create a fun, toxic cocktail, but remember – one of the ingredients must be cooking oil.
So have fun! We know you will, because this is one game you might actually win!