The man behind Legion is teaming up with surprise action hero Paul Bettany once again to deliver a mad, futuristic, post-apocalyptic vampire kind of affair that is truly as ridiculous as that sounds.

GO! GET TO THA CHOPPAH THA PICKUP!

Get your ass to… Earth!?

Bourne to be

They made him an offer he couldn’t refuse

Adriaaaaaaaan! I coulda been a contender! Exterminate, Exterminate!

Hobbit news that isn’t TERRIBLE news? What brave new world is this?

What do you expect from a Michael Bay film? Ridiculous action? Slow-motion? Orange skies when there really shouldn’t be any? What about horribly crude stereotypes? Bring it.

One minute you’re basking in rapturous applause, gratefully clasping the most coveted of all tiny golden men, and the next, well, you’re teaming up with Ashton Kutcher for yet another kooky road comedy. We explore the terrifying curse of the Best Actress Oscar, and pay homage to those poor souls struck down…

Jesse Eisenberg will NOT be pleased.