You know, the big hench action star. And the little boy in the raggedy green frock. What do you mean, “ropiest casting decision since Megan Fox was first given a speaking role”?

Marky just wants to get back in the ring.

Sharktopus, yet another mindless and tacky film from B movie re-enactors the SyFy channel, is completely dreadful. No, really. Completely dreadful. You might be one of the people who likes watching shit films and laughing at how shit they are, but even so the antics of this absurd hybrid may leave you struggling to crack a smile.

God of Love, directed by loveable mophead Luke Matheny, won ‘best live action short film’ at the 2011 Oscars. Check out the trailer and bask in its noodley charm. Oh, so Woody-Allenesque and noodley!

Neatly bridging the gap between this year’s glut of sci-fi films and the ongoing demand for unusual teenagers who, like, can’t fit in because they’re vampires (or werewolves or gay or whatever else), I Am Number Four will certainly be popular. Michael Bay should be crucified for ruining yet another film with his stupid flashing lights, but who cares when there’s a hunky alien loose?

…Renee’s only in if she can stay skinny.

Is the world ending?

Ironclad sees Paul Giamatti as the megalomaniac King John, whose taking of Rochester Castle will guarantee him nationwide power. Cue lots of shouty speeches, long swords and hot oil in this historical bloodbath.

Iconic 40s sex symbol dies at 89

X-Men like standing by water, yeah!