What do you know about Kristin Scott Thomas? Exactly. She’s beautiful and French (except she isn’t, but you know) and she plays lots of tragic heroines and frigid upper-class women and generally people who look down their nose at the world until they suddenly have all the sex. If that’s it, you need this Cheat Sheet like KST needs a genteel chignon (clue: a lot)

Looking for a challenging piece of angsty art house grime that will change the way you think about the universe and your place within it? Stop being so serious, can’t you? Down a mogadon smoothie and go and see Salmon Fishing In The Yemen instead. It’s got fish in it.

Oh Ryan, what have those monsters done to you?

R-Pattz’ post-Twilight breakout role is as a talentless schmoozer who drags himself up the ranks of fin de siècle Parisian society on a ladder made from other men’s wives. Visually dazzling but with no real substance, this new adaptation of an 1885 novel is as charmingly insubstantial as its lusty yet anodyne antihero. Bel ami, médiocre film.

Look, a picture of Ryan Gosling looking pissed off

Just when you thought being married to Uma Thurman was stress enough for poor Ethan Hawke, he moves to Paris and gets involved with a vampy older woman who may or may not be real. That’ll teach him to have a silly name, eh? The Woman in the Fifth is a fascinating tale which will lead you into a completely new world and do its level best to leave you there.

But… but HOW?

Sluts.

So it looks like they’re making a LEGO film. And by “they” we mean the crazy people in Hollywood who want all the money but their brains don’t work any more because they replaced their brains with sushi and velvet yachts and cynicism so they think money can come from a film about inanimate bricks. WHAT COULD THIS FILM POSSIBLY BE ABOUT?!?! Luckily for you, Hollywood fat cats, BFF have compiled a list of LEGO-inspired films to make the process a bit easier for you. Enjoy!

He made her an offer she coul- sorry, we’ll get our coats.