Aging thespian and hardnut Sylvester Stallone returns – whether we want him to or not – as the lead in Bullet to the Head; an action-packed thriller originally based on a French graphic novel. Better late than never, some might say. But is it? Is Bullet to the Head really a worthy return for our Rocky hero? Haven’t we seen it all before; the flying bullets, the incessant one-liners, the box-shaped man with the steroid-fuelled arms?

The first image has been released of Lars Von Trier’s explicit sex film, Nymphomaniac and it looks bleak.

These photos will make you feel like you’ve been shot in the head! With photos!

A film in which most of the cast get to have sex with each other. Must have been a hard sell.

Remember when Top 10 lists weren’t depressing, but uplifting? They reminded you about which beach bodies were buffest, and who was the richest, and which holiday destinations were best. This list isn’t like that. This is a sad list. Now, this sad list has parameters because we aren’t talking about merely becoming older, for that is unaccountably ageist, and we at Best For Film love those close-to-death, crotchety, ‘back in my day’ old timers. We aren’t here to make fun of those rushing headlong into the endless sleep. No, no dear friends, we are here to make fun of those actors and actresses that have become freaks of nature. Welcome to our sad list guys. You won’t thank us.

If there’s one thing that The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo has given us (and I’m including both the Swedish original and David Fincher’s recent blockbuster when I say this) it’s a new Goth poster-girl for the 21st century. Lisbeth Salander has not only shown the world that girls with ropey piercings and Misfits haircuts are hot, it’s that they can kick ass as well.

Such a beautiful family.