What is best in life? To crush your enemies! To see them driven before you and hear the lamentations of their women! Also, Kindergarten Cop.
So this week saw the news the whole nation has been waiting for, breath bated, hands wrung, and nails bitten. Yes, you’ve guessed it, it’s the hotly anticipated follow-up to our Top 10 Naked Royals in Film blog!! Unfortunately, the Duchess of Cambridge seems to have somewhat stolen our thunder by thoughtlessly going and getting herself pregnant in the same week, the shiny-haired ovarian witch.
Cats the world over breathe a sigh of relief as Curiosity lands on Mars. What will the NASA rover tell us? What will it find? Dust? Martians? The tattered remains of John Carpenter’s dignity? We humans had a real thing for the fourth rock from the Sun in the late 90s, ushering in a host of dreadful films about Mars whose Wikipedia blurbs end with ‘a critical and commercial failure’.
The Lorax opens on Friday, with the eponymous orange land guardian voiced by Danny DeVito, just as he is in the Spanish, German, Italian and Russian version, which is impressive in anyone’s book. You’ve got til Saturday to catch him in his West End debut The Sunshine Boys with Richard Griffiths. 100% of the people we asked described it as “utterly, painfully tedious”, so make of that what you will. In the meantime, have yourselves a little cheat sheet…
In light of the TomKatMobile crashing and burning on the love highway, we’ve put together a list of our Top Ten Divorce Movies.
So you’re a character in a film. Congratulations! And you’re about to meet your onscreen death. Ah, not so great. Still, you’ve got time to say a single line. A line that has the chance to be immortalised in cinema history. A line that will be quoted time and time again by pop culture nerds in bad accents. What do you say? Well, let’s look at some of the all-time greats for a bit of inspiration.
(SPOILERS SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS)
We’ve all heard the good news – the Governator has hung up his democratic sash and is preparing to step back into his loincloth/leather jacket/commando boots of unremitting ass-kickery for some new and crunchy films. Among the fifteen projects Arnie is reportedly considering are remakes of Predator and True Lies, as well as yet another Terminator sequel; but we think he should be diversifying…
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