Sigh. Ryan, why make it so difficult for us?

Such a beautiful family.

Magic fountains activated by urine, CGI babies, toilet humour, soft porn and plenty of raucous jokes guarantee that The Change-Up will alienate most of its audience and appeal solely to the most depraved individuals amongst us.

Quoth the raven: `Nevermore!’

It’s not that we’re bad people, it’s just that sometimes we wish some people would just… well, be dead, really. Sometimes we even want to do it ourselves. In honour of this week’s hottest horror Kill List, we at BFF compiled our own hit list of performers who have it coming.

Friendship is as big as a whale

Kevin Bacon to play a bad guy? Never!

Tired of going to a bland old West End cinema, paying £8 for a popcorn combo and crying salty tears all the way through the latest piece of superhero big budget low quality rubbish, lamenting the state of exhibition practices these days? Do you long for the days of all nighters, of midnight movies, of dirty dive bars that stick a blanket to the wall as a makeshift screen? Well, you’re not the only one, as we pay tribute to the groups that are bringing movies out of the cinema, and re-igniting our love for the big screen.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains…”

DC obviously think that Ryan Reynolds’ muscles are enough on their own to deliver a bruising punch to Marvel; but the rest of Green Lantern isn’t as finely toned. It’s everything you expect from a superhero movie, but absolutely nothing more. And it nicked its colour scheme from The Mask!