Look, we weren’t going to do this – offending the world’s 1.2bn Catholics would put quite a dent in our web traffic, and we suspect the Vatican is a dab hand at DDoS attacks when it feels the need. But after A WHOLE DAY of 115 cardinals failing to decide which of the essentially interchangeable old white men among them should be the next King of the Interchangeable Old White Men, BFF has no choice but to step in. Brace yourself, Jehovah.

“It was bad, Mama…”

Except the writers don’t know the word ‘antagonist’, so let’s just say BADDIE

Did anyone actually see Percy Jackson?

This Wednesday marks the release of Steven “I’m definitely going to stop being a director soon and paint pretty pictures” Soderbergh’s new film, Haywire, which stars Mixed Martial Arts champion Gina Carano. Presumably she spends the film going around beating up loads and loads of people with her martial arts skills. We literally can’t wait for that. Especially if she roundhouse kicks Ewan McGregor in the face. Anyways, to celebrate the release of this film, BFF has compiled a list of the top ten women who would kick you into next Tuesday if you tried to hold the door open for them. Enjoy!

Oliver Reed is the best thing in this historical adventure from the Hammer studios, out-acting everyone else on screen by a mile. Aside from his performance, though, this film lacks the vigour and excitement of a good historical epic, and isn’t exaggerated enough to be fun as a bawdy period romp.

Captain America just wasn’t enough captain for her…

He made her an offer she coul- sorry, we’ll get our coats.

Though he may have kind of a funny name if you’re an idiot, Mads Mikkelsen is actually a VERY SERIOUS, VERY GOOD actor who’s been in lots of CLEVER and COMPELLING films. If you’d like to know about some of these films, have a read.

Some days we genuinely don’t know why we bother.