Ooooooooooooooh.

In which Matthew McConaughey will probably still find a reason to be shirtless.

Ball-achingly slow, utterly pointless and with a completely inexplicable ending, The Paranormal Incident is a glossy, shining example of exactly what not to do with $3million and a camera. You could have made some really nice, 1080p HD hardcore porn with that sort of budget; it probably would have been better-scripted, better-shot and better-acted than this steaming pile of puerile garbage.

PUT SOME CLOTHES ON ZAC, YOU’LL CATCH YOUR DEATH.

Fuck Asgard, we’re going to Svartalfheim; we hear the beaches are lovely this time of year.

The Zefron is a bit of a dark horse these days; after seeming set for lifelong underage vaginal domination around 2006, when that guiltiest of guilty pleasures came out, High School Musical, he just didn’t take off from Disney quite as drastically as anyone expected. There was a time when he would have been anyone’s first bet for the male leads in things like Avatar – instead, he seems perpetually dissatisfied and cannot decide what he wants. We at BFF do like a mysterious one, so let’s have a wee look.

See, here’s the thing – THIS IS A HORRIBLE IDEA.

Ring, ring, hookah, Lee Daniels is on the line.

SO MUCH TAKING.

Ooh, another reason to despise James Holmes.