WE WANT PEGGY

Returning with another crash course in revisionist history, Quentin Tarantino invites us to buckle up and cast our minds back to pre-Civil War America for a trip through the South’s slave circuit. Bold, bloody, and arriving after what must have been a very short stay in the editing room, the ‘Southern’ epic Django Unchained is finally here.

“It can be a lot of fun, but it’s not a game.” Twenty-first century sage Jim’s Dad speaks for us all; but is he talking about the time-honoured traditions of self-abuse, or the oeuvre of JRR Tolkien as projected through the slightly smeary lens of Peter Jackson? Our newest writer Will Donovan is risking the wrath of ten million Bilbo fanboys as he explains why our latest trip into Middle-Earth has more than a little in common with that time your mum caught you balls-deep in a microwaved watermelon.

The adaptation of Lee Child’s best-selling book One Shot, Tom Cruise has some mighty big literary shoes to fill. This film could have so easily been a mechanical and soulless action film, relying purely on the big name stars and the widely-read source material. In fact, Jack Reacher is beautifully shot, brilliantly acted and far surpasses the traditional man-against-the-world action flick. It never pushes the envelope too far, but Jack Reacher will leave you wanting more.

I’m sorry, Dave, I can’t let you do that.

No sign of an Amnesty International society or some awful Christians trying to get you to come to their prayer group, so that’s good.

This is it – the end of the single most laborious series of blogs we have ever bloody produced. Dying to find out who made the grade for our Top 12 cinematic drummers? They’re all here, and whoever you’re thinking of is definitely among them (turns out nobody really likes drummers). Merry Christmas, and see you same time next year!

Pipers piping! Eleven of the buggers! We’ve had to get a little creative with this one. Along with a few lovely lady Pipers, we’re also celebrating the Christmassy goodness stuffed into Nicolas Cage’s lucky crackpipe, one of the various instruments of death found in the House of Wax, and an escape route Tim Robbins would probably like to forget. LET’S GET PIPING.

As our Christmas countdown edges into double figures and you realise that you have, what, three days left to do your shopping (don’t forget about Susan in Marketing, because you know she’ll get you something even if you’ve already done Secret Santa and it’s always awkward), what better way could there be to fritter a few minutes of our last pre-apocalypse day than by reading our tenth successive holly-draped blog about nothing much?

Gender bending is one of the lost arts. There was a period in the 90s when you couldn’t move in Hollywood for transvestism. It sort of became the default mode for any comedic scene. Chuck in a corset and a couple of fake boobs and BAM! You’ve got cinema gold. Although the subject of emotional turmoil, sexual identity and gender reassignment has been covered sensitively and dramaticly by some amazing films, you’re not going to find The Crying Game on this list. No, we’ve cobbled together our favourite horrifying gender bending scenes from film. Get out the fishnet stockings, folks!