A Damon, an Affleck and an Affleck walk into a bar. Decide to make a film.

Presumably his raging antisemitism won’t be a major aspect.

Winter is coming, the interns are getting fat (not really, guys) and beneath our protective layers of wool and goosefat we’re seeking the protection of Best For Film Towers’ roaring fires and roasting oxen. But there is no room in the great hall for a writer who won’t serve his turn on the walls, so here we are again to warn you of the cinematic ogres in your path.

If we want to watch self-consciously ‘zany’ dwarves, we’ll cut Noel Fielding’s legs off.

Directed by Anurag Basu, Barfi! tells the story of a Nepalese origin deaf mute named Murphy who – unable to pronounce his name – is affectionately referred to as “Barfi.” He falls hopelessly in love with upper class Shruti but not before forging a special bond with autistic teenager Jhilmil. What follows is an unpredictable turn of events that speaks to the prevailing and indiscriminate nature of love.

Cute guys in tight suits. What’s not to like?

Because who doesn’t want to see a walking, talking, gun-toting space-raccoon giving it some on the big screen?

What’s that in the card-box box? Is a present? OH GOD OH GOD NO IT’S NOT.

You’ll have to dream a dream a little bit longer.

It’s helmets firmly on for this high-octane insight into the lives of New York City’s daredevil bicycle messengers. But will Premium Rush leave you head over handlebars in love, or wishing they’d just Fed-exed the lot like normal people. Our money’s on the former.