Once again, the SyFy channel have worked their baffling magic and created an instant cult classic by simply ramming two scary things together. Sharktopus, Crocoshark, Sharkmonella – they’ve all been done, but nobody had ever thought of combining a massive fish with a natural disaster – until Sharknami. Sorry, we mean Sharknado. Anyway, here’s what we want from the inevitable sequel (apart from a sharkproof hat):

Hermione’s truly dead and gone.

Scary Movie 5 is an insult to parody films that are actually funny. Ashley Tisdale might just be the only positive thing to come out of this, and she wasn’t even THAT good. Lazy characterisation, flimsy plot, poor jokes, an uninspired Usher cameo: the list of absolute FAILS is endless. With any luck, we’ve seen the last of the Scary Movie franchise.

Ben Affleck is the name on everybody’s lips this week after the phenomenal success of Argo at the 85th Academy Awards. But what do you really know about the critically acclaimed director? Not a lot past that scathing Team America song, we’ll bet…

To The Wonder is out now, and among the cast of Terence Malick’s newest impenetrable drama is a certain Canadian with a great big forehead and a great big heart. But will Rachel McAdams’ role be an inspired return to form for 2004’s Hollywood It Girl or a sad little footnote to a fading career? We don’t know, obviously, so we’re just having an argument.

The wacky duo get their very own official biopic. Aww.

You read right, Mean Girls: The Musical is almost certainly coming to Broadway.

The new clip called “Linda’s Photoshoot” shows her posing for the camera, and talking about her upcoming film role.

Keep this woman away from the Kryptonite.

In the jungle you must wait, til the dice read FIND ZACH HELM AND CUT OFF HIS FINGERS