We’ve gone far too long without anyone playing the music, and don’t even get us started on what’s happened to the lights. Thank goodness then that The Muppets are finally where they belong – back on the big screen and firmly in our hearts. The story might not be the most ambitious one around and the great Frank Oz’s absence can’t help but be felt, but when you’ve got Fozzie Bear in fart-shoes, Dave Grohl on the drums and our ol’ pal Kermit at the centre of it all, it’s difficult to imagine more wholesome family fare.

SPOILER: The characters wear clothes.

But where’s Drive?

All singing, all dancing, all ridiculously charming – Neil Patrick Harris is back on the big screen this week as… well… Neil Patrick Harris in A Very Harold And Kumar 3D Christmas. But what else is there to know about the quick-witted, eminently well dressed pseudo-womaniser? Did someone say PRESIDENT OF THE ACADEMY OF MAGICAL ART? That’s right.

As confused a cinematic masala as you’re likely to see this year, Desi Boyz plagiarises gleefully from every comedy, drama and romance going and fuses its finds together with a shuddering dose of song, dance and waxed torsos. It’s nonsense, obviously, but it’s enormously entertaining nonsense.

Can she sing? lol jk

Immortals is out, and that’s as good a reason as any to get so drunk that you start calling your wedding tackle ‘Poseidon’ and telling it you’ll sacrifice a white bull to it just as soon as one trots out of the sea. Make sure you don’t substitute another bull, though, or your testicles might turn into a MInotaur. Or something. Can you tell that we’ve already started drinking?

Sigh. Ryan, why make it so difficult for us?

Ewww…. Ahhhh…. Eeeesh… That doesn’t go there! Let’s be honest: you don’t want to read this article and we’re really sorry we wrote it. Mildly NSFW, and seriously NSFSanity.

GO ON GARY