Right, so you must all know by now that Arnie is making his big, explosive, swash-buckling return to leading action man status following his brief hiatus to run the government of California or something. To celebrate the release of The Last Stand today, we have of course, prepared our 73rd Friday Drinking Game in honour of the Austrian Terminator. Let the bollocks commence!
His first starring role since making the relatively short trip back to Hollywood from the L.A. governor’s mansion, Arnold Schwarzenegger creaks back onto the big screen in a routine actioner that bets big on nostalgia for the one-liners and stiff acting he perfected so long ago. Does a dinosaur like Schwarzenegger have a place in an era dominated by wire-less martial arts madness and the kind of jumped-up hyper-kinetic combat pioneered by the Bourne franchise? The Last Stand is a lesson in the saving grace of star power, even if it doesn’t burn quite as bright as it used to.
He’s too old for this shit. Or is he?
So this week saw the news the whole nation has been waiting for, breath bated, hands wrung, and nails bitten. Yes, you’ve guessed it, it’s the hotly anticipated follow-up to our Top 10 Naked Royals in Film blog!! Unfortunately, the Duchess of Cambridge seems to have somewhat stolen our thunder by thoughtlessly going and getting herself pregnant in the same week, the shiny-haired ovarian witch.
Warrior. Thief. Pensioner.
Back to deliver yet more gratuitous violence, outrageous plot twists and dreadful puns, Sylvester Stallone and his team have got another job, and this time they’re joined by Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme. Subtle nuances and character development there is not, but The Expendables 2 knows exactly what it is and it delivers. Sure, the lines are literally made of cheese, but what’s not to love about a bunch of good old fashioned action heroes doing what they do best?