After years of pitting his luckless protagonists against gladiators, Saracens, cannibals, jihadis, aliens, Incas, replicants and even more aliens, a scattering of Mexican gangsters feels like a pretty low-key threat for Ridley Scott’s latest. And so it proves. With characters ranging from the forgettable to the insufferable and a plot that makes even less sense…

ExpendaBALLS.

This news is ridiculous.

Ah, Jim Carrey. It seems as if everyone who is anyone has an opinion on this funnyman of big budget flicks – whether you adore his early works and abhore Mr Popper’s Penguins, prefer him to stick to comedy and steer clear of serious dramas (hello Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind) or simply want to see him dress up in a funny costume, it’s hard not to have an opinion about good old Jim. So, with THAT in the forefront of our minds, Sarah and Nina have launched into an almighty row…

Graham Chapman has been mostly dead for 23 years now, but hasn’t stopped his voice reaching out through the veil of time to narrate his own (mostly fictional) biography. Recent recordings of Graham Chapman reading his own book have been remastered to fit this 3D collection of animations as an homage to the great deceased Python. Featuring the talents of the Monty Python team, along with a few surprise guests, A Liar’s Autobiography is a wonderful tribute, even if it lags in places. There is a lot of love for Graham Chapman in this film, and hopefully you will feel it too.

Gathering dust in various stages of development hell since 1997, Gambit finally arrives on the big screen. From the off it’s clear Michael Hoffman’s remake of the 1966 caper is no spring chicken. A comic heist film so thoroughly undercooked and blushing with embarrassment, the only chicanery here is the evident self-deceit involved in slumming for a paycheck.

Hopefully the gamey meat of a boiled bunny will add to her paltry and flavorless career. ZING!

Oh, Colin…

Just when we thought the Expendables series couldn’t get any better, word has reached us that producer Adi Shankar has plans to make an all-female version of action ensemble. Director of the sequel, Simon West has stated that he is fully on board with the idea (WHO WOULDN’T BE?) and would like to see a line-up involving the likes of Angelina Jolie, Cameron Diaz, Milla Jovovich, Helen Mirren and Jamie Lee Curtis. We can see the appeal of those casting choices but here at BFF (which otherwise stands for Best For Females) we’ve dreamed up a list with a little more bite. So here it is chaps and chapettes: the top ten ovarylicious casting choices for an all-female Expendables. WARNING: Due to her recent involvement in the unforgivable Red Lights, Sigourney Weaver has been banned from this list.

Yep, it’s another one of those films where very clean celebrities pretend to have names like “Holly” and “Gary” and there’s just loads of them, loads of them scuttling around like glowing, plastic noise-rats shouting “UH OH! BABIES!” and it’s funny until it’s not and then it is again because sad emotions only last as long as a scene of about four minutes, and then it’s BACK TO CHRIS ROCK DOING HIS JOKES and people in bikinis and Jennifer Lopez realising stuff and then crying so gently. Just call it Middle Class Heteros Have Kids (You Don’t Even Get To See Them Shag), and be done with it.