The bitch.

…is what Richard Branson’s lawyers told us to write

YAY OPRAH!

So it’s official; Anne Hathway will definitely be taking on the role of Fantine in the upcoming film version of Les Misérables. If you felt a breeze just then, it would be the result of collective sighs sweeping across the nation. This seems like the perfect time to lament the top 10 roles which didn’t require Anne Hathaway, doesn’t it?

We love films. Well, we love most of them. Some of them are only OK, and some of them we’d like to get our greasy paws on and re-cast and re-direct all together. Here are five of them, because ten would have gotten me over-excited and I’d never be able to settle for my nap otherwise.

Could we BE any more excited!?

Meg Ryan/Julia Roberts/her from Grey’s Anatomy and their earnest search for romance is looking even less fashionable then ever, and Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake completely agree. Ignoring Love and Other Drugs in their hurry to take off all their clothes, our two lust-birds instead opt for some No Strings Attached sex in this, Will Gluck’s latest fast-talking comedy. While you’ve undoubtedly seen Friends With Benefits before, it is nevertheless well worth the ever-present sense of deja vu.

Except this whole story rests on a false dichotomy. Doesn’t it, The Internet?

Christina Hendricks for Dorothy!

That’s nothing – we haven’t even mentioned Beyoncé yet…