We even translated French for you.

Star Wars VII has been in the public consciousness for barely over a week, but the relentless rumour mill has been out of control. Everyday yet another potential director is added to the Star Wars VII list, and yet another takes themselves off with a sarcastic quip about how Disney’s Star Wars will star Minnie Mouse with a lightsaber. Here is a recap of all the guys still in the running, and those who have jumped out the Millennium Falcon.

Guillermo del Toro begins grabbing random names out of a hat for Heaven Sent

Thanks Warner, but we don’t want to see gigantic robots fighting colossal monsters in 3D. Wait, what are we saying?

You’d be forgiven for associating the name “Luke Goss” solely with 80s boy band Bros, of which he was a founding member. Yes, for six glorious years, Bros was the place to be for denim jackets, sexy twins, pop anthems and haircuts you could set your watch to. But all eighties fluff aside, Luke Goss has actually spent the larger part of his career carving out a name for himself as an actor. Working largely stateside, Goss has clocked up an impressive thirty films since 2000 appearing most notably in two Guillermo del Toro films, Blade II and Hellboy II: The Golden Army. But new Brit release Interview with a Hitman marks a return to the spotlight as well as the UK. We checked in with Luke to catch up on all the latest Goss. Ahem.

BIG RED’S BACK!

This is literally the best idea ever.

All we need now is to hear that he’s the new Bond…

The dearly departed Shrek franchise is given a welcome dose of prequel shock treatment in this high-octane and utterly shameless Zorro rip-off. THRILL to Puss’ mesmerising swordplay! GASP as Kitty Softpaws steals all of the things, all of the time! WONDER why nobody comments on the sudden plague of accented cats!

Oh… We get it. We all died in a horrific server crash and this is Hell.