Who are you going to call when that guy you murdered returns your axe, your door-handle turns into a penis or you’re saved from near-certain death by your girlfriend’s dog? John Dies At The End may not have the answer, but it does have about a million other equally important questions.

With the Glasgow Film Festival commencing its 9th year, we sent along two of our Highland based contributors to bring you their verdict on the line-up. Patrick Harley, determined to see an obscene amount of films over a short period of time, will be using what seconds he has spare to provide round-ups as the festival proceeds. Meanwhile when the festival ends, the fun continues, with Steven Neish on hand to select his Best of the Fest – unmissable gems you’ll be rushing to see when they come to a cinema near you. Here’s what happened on Patrick’s first day…

The poster is not as cool as the title.

After the desolate wasteland of 2010 (The Crazies, and…?), 2011 has actually been a half decent year for horror movies: Kill List, Black Swan, Stake Land, Troll Hunter, Julia’s Eyes, Attack the Block (sort of), the first half of Insidious, the second half of Scream 4… But if early whisperings are to be believed, 2012 is going to be much better. LIST TIME.