From our reporter in the field, Brian Fant- no, wait, Steven Neish.

Retired and Extremely Dangerous? More like Do Not Resuscitate

Who keeps giving guns to these oldies?

It’s pretty. Boring.

Perfect, finally a bit of news more depressing than ‘Red 2 is happening at all’

Kevin Bacon to play a bad guy? Never!

The Big Copowski has a nice ring to it…

It’s been a decent decade for films, all told. Not as great as the 80’s for sure, but then it has been scientifically proven that that’s impossible. But amidst all the rightfully praised top gear floating about there are quite a few duds that have inexplicably found themselves invited to the same swanky parties. But enough of these painful mixed metaphors – let’s discuss the ten biggest phonies of the decade, shall we?

The subject of our antepenultimate visit to the BFI London Film Festival, Dear Doctor is a film made with all the grace one would expect of Japanese cinema. However, although its pace may be too slow for hyperactive Western audiences, its message is as relevant here as it is anywhere in the developed world. This is a beautiful film.

Bruce Willis. Morgan Freeman. John Malkovich. Dame Helen Mirren. These are hefty names. It might seem reasonable to assume that a film capable of bringing them together would be pretty bloody special, mightn’t it? Unfortunately, it seems that all it takes is a production company with very deep pockets. Seeing Red is a truly unhappy experience which you are advised to avoid.