FINALLY! It may be only day 7 of our Christmas countdown, but we’re diving into the sherry because it’s the last of the bloody bird-related ones. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be funny about twenty-three sort-of birds over the course of a week? No wonder we’ve ended up writing about such tenuous nonsense. Still, take heart – Christmas is just a few days away and there will be maids for you tomorrow. Until then, Christmas swans ’til death!

Surrounded by two hunky potential lovers? Better take a prophylactic course of antibiotics, Saoirse Ronan…

So many evil glances are coming your way.

Today, the news broke that Susan Boyle – aka SuBo, the nation’s SWEETHEART – has signed away the rights to her life. Meaning, in other words, that next year some dreadful people with clipboards and cameras and booms are going to start filming a proper movie that’s all about her. Obviously, the question that is now on everyone’s lips is who on earth is going to portray the hirsute songstress? Luckily for you, here at Best For Film we’ve taken the time to wade through our “GR8 ACTORS” file and pull out some top names that could be in the running. Take note, filmmakers, this top ten list of potential SuBos is red hot.

“Typecasting, AMIRITE?” – Kenneth Branagh

In related news, Rupert Sanders is still sleeping in the dog house

I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know something about vampires I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know please please make it stop why why why why why why I don’t know I don’t know CGI devil baby no no no no no no no werewolves why why why oh god make it stop.

In which Kristen Stewart and Kellan Lutz give up on acting and resort to arm-wrestles.

Super-sexy sister of Scott Pilgrim, Anna Kendrick, signs up for more sensual singing. Sounds sublime!

More Young Adults running around dystopian futures. Just what the world needed.