We’ll never leave you behind, Nicolas.

The Croods are the new Jetsons. But old.

No giant, scary bunny-suits, no bunnies in boxes – in fact, no bunnies AT ALL – but this sounds fascinating regardless.

Not a sequel to I Am Legend.

No one can be bothered to go to the cinema anymore.

Alright, you c*nts…

We’re beyond caring at this point.

Hey, you know that saying about the eyes being the window to your soul? What if the window opened up into a nightmare, wrapped in a murder, nestled in an insane asylum? Don’t understand? You will, my friend, oh you will.

Every group needs a hate figure. In music, it’s the squeaky voiced sick-midget Justin Bieber, in Christianity it’s that scheming git Judas, and in film that hate figure has gradually become mop-haired vampire-face Robert Pattinson. But guys, c’mon! Don’t hate the player, hate the game! The game in this case being “make loadsa cash out of thick people-ball”. Pattinson’s not to blame, he’s just trying his best.

Nicolas Cage finally gets the kudos he deserves by having a film made about him (well, his stolen comic book). Humble Nouveau-Shamanist that he is, Cage won’t be playing himself.