Our newest and goriest column continues with the latest clotted, coagulating thoughts to drip from Duncan Vicat-Brown’s mangled fingertips. This week, he’s heading back into the Abattoir to take a look at the best jump scenes in horror history…

Just Lin has made a speedy exit from the franchise.

It sounds like Insidious but with more teenagers.

FINALLY! It may be only day 7 of our Christmas countdown, but we’re diving into the sherry because it’s the last of the bloody bird-related ones. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be funny about twenty-three sort-of birds over the course of a week? No wonder we’ve ended up writing about such tenuous nonsense. Still, take heart – Christmas is just a few days away and there will be maids for you tomorrow. Until then, Christmas swans ’til death!

If your kid gets possessed, just put it down and start over. This ends our Public Service Announcement

…in which MacGyver must use some old tat he finds in the attic to torture Carey Elwes. LIVE OR DIE!

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a horror movie with a domestic gross amounting to a small fortune must be in line for a string of sequels of ever-diminishing quality. Almost all of them are terrible, being licenses to print money and all. But every now and then, by some strange alchemy, one of them.. isn’t. Here are five of our favorites, and one that we’re clearly over thinking.

It’s not scary, it’s not funny, it’s not even very bloody. Aside from a few interesting set designs, the only revelation here is how bad it is. Silent Hill: Revelation is in the running for worst film of the year, and at the moment the odds are in its favour. Run from it.

Sinister is frustrating, in that it’s almost a brilliant horror movie. It’s still a very good one; darkly disturbing, well acted, effectively shot and – yes – scary, but ironically it’s the film’s attempts at distancing itself from the plethora of sub-par horrors that ends up damaging the final product. Still, if you’re after an hour and a half of intense psychological and supernatural terror, Sinister delivers an oppressively creepy atmosphere and some genuinely disturbing imagery.

Tired of the regular run-of-the-mill sexual porn? Well why not come on down and try some gore porn? The Woman has LOTS of it. A feral woman living in the woods is captured by an All-American family to induct her into the ‘normal’ way of life. What could go wrong?